A Year After I Died

Cancer treatments give patients survivable amounts of deadly substances. The key word is survivable and individuals react differently. It was a year ago that I was about to get out of the hospital after defying that survivable label.

Looking back, that was a really miserable time. My radiation oncologist told me nothing would get worse because it wasn't possible for my nerves to register more pain and they were likely to give up reporting pain because it did no good. That, and a brief break from radiation and chemo helped a bit. Then they changed angles a bit with the radiation and added another entire section of my throat to the area that was already reporting the maximum possible pain.

I was too weak to sit up on a bench after getting my radiation treatments. I went into survival mode. It was just live another day. Do that one day at a time and things would get better. I just flat out didn't care about anything except the fact that I was still alive. That was the only thing that mattered.

At the time I didn't realize how far I had deteriorated or how bad things really were. As long as I was alive, I was in good shape. that's how you get to feel after being maintained on the very edge of death for a month.

So, where am I a year after that episode? Well, first, when I review this blog, I'm amazed at how well I cleaned everything up, pretty much sugar-coated it, and kept it very upbeat and positive.

The improvements have been dramatic. I'm almost to the point where anything remaining will be permanent. September is when I should be at "full recovery". Other theories speculate that damage from radiation can continue for years.

The biggest remaining radiation damage involves transforming muscle tissue into fibrous tissue. Long-term radiation damage continues that process for some time. It appears to be based on the individual for how long it lasts. In my case, I'm still getting a build-up of fibrous material and scar tissue in my throat. I'd guess there's probably a cubic inch of that type of material on the left side of my throat. It feels like I'm wearing a tight collar there.

Taste is almost completely returned. Bananas still don't have much of a sweet taste and tomatoes seem to be missing some element of sweetness. Sweet seems to be the last taste to return.

My swallowing is a lot better and I'm a lot better at "fixing" things that didn't get swallowed right. I'm still uncomfortable eating in public, but at home, I can eat quite a variety of foods. Beef (other than burger with sauces) seems to be the toughest and is probably off my diet for life. Pork works pretty well, even the drier cuts. Chicken is a struggle and I've switched from breasts to thighs. Fish is great.

Energy levels, stamina, and strength seem to be back to what they were before this happened. I still sleep most of the day Saturday. I don't know if that's a result of the cancer and treatment, or if it's more related to getting older.

I'm starting to get an idea of some things that might affect me the rest of my life. I've got shingles in the area where the surgery was done. Shingles is associated with a compromised immune system. A year ago my immune system wasn't compromised - it was gone. The entire lymph system on the right side of my neck is gone, which doesn't leave me much immune capability in that area.

I've also got a rather innocuous and common fungus which has gotten a little overactive in that area. It's not really noticeable. It just makes my face a little reddish and gives me some slightly itchy spots in my scalp behind my ear, which is an affected area. Everything is pretty much numb behind my right ear.

I'm slowly getting some nerve regeneration working. I think the nerves to my right vocal cord are almost working normally from time to time. Every once in a while, I almost sound like I used to sound. I actually sang an octave and more or less hit all the notes. Good singers usually have about 3 octaves of range. I used to have 2. Now I'm thrilled to have one where I can almost hit the notes.

I've still got numbness from around my armpit on an angle to the top of my sternum, then up just to the right of my chin, then along my jaw line to a little behind my ear, and then up a little.

As I get more nerves working in the area of my shoulder, my old shoulder problem is becoming painful again. I'm having that looked at. For those friends of mine who know that I throw darts, I still don't have a good sense of my arm and shoulder positions when I throw darts. I'm totally incapable of sensing a bad arm or shoulder position while throwing darts. The exact same feel for 2 throws can result in darts about 6 inches apart on the board.

The biggest change has been my ability to maintain a good attitude. Maintaining a good attitude at work is pretty easy. I try to be constantly upbeat, positive, and enthusiastic. That's so easy after last summer. There's nothing work can throw at me that even approaches what life threw at me a year ago.

I'm really doing great. I can't eat everything. I have to have sauces with everything I eat. I have to have quite a bit of water with meals - some of it to wash down food - especially meats. My saliva production is up. My mouth doesn't get as dry as an unused Kleenex over night and I usually have enough saliva to swallow the first 5 or 6 bites of a meal normally. I think my teeth will survive - saliva loss gives me the same condition that causes meth users to lose their teeth.