The Decision

I signed the consent forms for the radiation. The treatments start next Wednesday. I can still change my mind or chicken out. All I have to do is not show up for the appointment.

I told the radiation oncologist about my concerns. He told me I could quit any time I wanted, and if I quit now, "...you will die. I guarantee it. Your neck is contaminated. There is no reasonable expectation that everything was removed..." It went on longer, but he pretty much had me at, "You will die. I guarantee it".

I was reminded of a line from a Clint Eastwood movie, "Do you feel lucky"? I'm thinking maybe I've already used up a lot of "lucky".

According to this doctor, recurrence is different after surgery. There is a lot of stuff removed that previously was a barrier to the spread of the cancer. If it recurs in the operated area, it can spread to a lot of areas very quickly. That makes sense. It also makes sense that by the time any lump would be noticed, the spread could be disastrous. Besides that, he pretty much had me at "You will die. I guarantee it". He even had stories to tell of patients who died within a year after refusing radiation.

Without an identified cancer origin, they nuke every potential source and every possible location of suspected spread. That includes both sides of my neck, not just the right side. The radiation is targeted, but the target area is my neck and throat. That's a big target.

The danger of contracting a cancer from the treatments is real, but it's long-term. At the levels I will receive, it can be significant in 30 - 40 years. I've got medical consensus on that. The 30 - 40 year time frame is not significant in my situation (old fart).

They can save one saliva gland (out of six). Right now I have 5 saliva glands. I lost one in the surgery. It's real easy to notice the difference. The one I lost lubricated the right side of my throat during swallowing. Losing 5 will make eating and swallowing difficult. That's forever.

At least, if I can save one saliva gland (it's one of the big ones), I might be able to maintain the mouth chemistry that's produced my indestructible teeth. I've never had a cavity or dental problem in a permanent tooth.

This was (and still is) a nasty decision. One option has the possibility of death within a year. The other has permanent changes in the ability to enjoy a meal - and a bunch of other nasty stuff. I've decided not to risk my life at this point. That means I've decided to make some quality of life compromises.